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12-Dec-2014 07:32

Good sense of humour, shared love of bungee jumping and sleeping at a 17 degree angle and whatever else – no indication of values, or at least not that the ones that are fundamental to you.

Some of you are trying to strike a relationship deal by signing on the dotted line with people who are not out of contract on their previous deal.

It’s easier to sell it to you as something better and then leave it to you to either discover the truth when they’re long gone or be like “Oops I did it again.

Let’s just go with the flow/my fish died/I’m not ready for a relationship.” If you date without a person shaped void, with your eyes and ears open and your feet in reality, it allows you to become aware of who they are – it stops it from being about what they can give to you to ‘make’ you whole.

Living a life that respects you and follows the path of the values you claim to have means you shouldn’t be trying to ‘strike up a deal’ with any ‘ole person.Unfortunately, this is what many people are trying to do with dating – before you’ve even sussed out the person, you’ve already put yourself under pressure that you’ve got to close the deal!But you don’t know what the deal is plus not enough has actually happened to indicate what the deal possibilities are.Dating is a discovery phase for you both to find out the facts about one another and work out whether you can strike up a mutually beneficial co-pilotted relationship.

Note, I don’t factor casual relationships (oxymoron alert) into this because it’s a bit thick to claim to be dating with the purpose of lining up someone for a shag, an ego stroke and a shoulder to lean on – it’s called ‘dating’ to get your foot through the door like one of those dodgy sales people.If they told you they were going to sell you a busted up vacuum cleaner or insurance that you don’t need, you wouldn’t let them in.

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