Questions of dating
(It's the kind of conversation that's possible to have on a first date, because you're basically strangers, but then you can't really talk about that stuff again until you're in a very serious relationship.)The author, Mandy Len Catron, recalled a scientific study she'd once read about, wherein a researcher put two complete strangers in a lab, had them ask each other a series of increasingly intimate questions -- thirty-six, in all -- and then had them stare into each other's eyes for four minutes.
), starting with questions like, "Would you like to be famous? But on a first date, where chemistry and at least a little mutual interest has already been established, we like it a lot more than all of that crappy, heartbreaking game-playing.
First dates are a bit like a job interview, but yet, they should never ever feel like a job interview.
Instead, she asked him if he'd like to cut through all the crap and immediately go steady, kind of like kids do in grade school, before they learn how to save face. The hand-holding in public was immediate, as was the soul bearing.
The relationship lasted only a month or two, but it was healthy and full of honest communication, and when they parted ways, it was as friends. Em and the guy weren't in touch during that time -- the relationship seemed too new to support long-distance communication -- but when she returned, they had a third date. it felt more like they'd already been dating a month.
For example, many years ago -- before we each found lasting love, against those game-playing odds -- Lo conducted a sort of social-romantic experiment: When a friend introduced her to a guy who seemed very nice and whom she was instantly attracted to, she asked him if he'd like to be her boyfriend.
Standard protocol would have had her flirt with him and wait for him to buy her a drink and then pretend to be just a little bit interested and he would do the same and so on until maybe they'd manage to "hang out" a few times and perhaps, eventually, stumble into a real relationship.