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25-Sep-2016 22:38

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COM: Last season’s finale was pretty ambiguous and left viewers wondering about your future with Irv. DEB LORENZO: You’re going to see more of me breaking the cycle and speaking up for myself. I let him know you can’t do that because I have to get on with my own life.

Last season I was extremely quiet and just accepting of the way things were. I was like, Omigod, this is what you’ve been dealing with? It’s hard for me still to tell him you have to take the kids because in some odd way I feel so guilty, like I’m breaking up my family.

Season 2 of “Gotti’s Way” aired this past Monday on VH1. Check out the interview here courtesy of ESSENCE. When you’re in a situation you don’t see what the world see; it’s like my eyes were wide shut but not anymore. Even now, I’ve cut out him staying with me and the kids on the weekends.

Deb Lorenzo, the wife of Irv Gotti, chatted with to talk about her dysfunctional marriage and how she has grown from it for the betterment of her family. What is the first promise you made to yourself in your journey toward change? I’ve never set boundaries and just allowed whatever to go on.

For me to truly move forward, I need to end this first and settle it up.

I just hope that my kids will be good with whatever the outcome.

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Regarding me dating, I have before but it never felt right so I don’t.

I know I wouldn’t want to date someone who is “separated’ because I’d always think that there’s a chance they could get back together and I feel like it’s a sin.

So I talk to her about breaking the cycle, getting her education so she doesn’t have to depend on any man, and not even just that but so that she can be empowered and confident in what she has to offer herself first. COM: So are you hoping that having Irv adhere to your rules will help toward your reconciliation or are you living the single life? We joke around, we still fight, but it’s different.

LORENZO: Honestly, there’s nothing there between me and Irv. Of course, I don’t want to see anything happen to him and we do love each other but we are not in love.

It makes me feel like I’m the bad guy and I’m somehow disturbing the times we do share. LORENZO: Well, I’ve dealt with so much in all the years I’ve been with Irv, from the cheating and everything else that I promised myself I’ll never do it again.

However, this is the hand I’ve been dealt and I’m playing it out. I had to set these boundaries for me so that when I move forward in any other relationship my boundaries will be respected.

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Learning to be alone would make me a better person, and eventually a better partner. At this point, certainly, falling in love and getting married may be less a matter of choice than a stroke of wild great luck. And the elevation of independence over coupling (“I wasn’t ready to settle down”) is a second-wave feminist idea I’d acquired from my mother, who had embraced it, in part, I suspect, to correct for her own choices.… continue reading »

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