As you may know, before I became a dating coach, I was a prolific online dater. Site are just big boxes of single people who are trying to meet each other. If you’ve ever received an email like this, you know it sucks.I tried every site around, starting in the late 90’s. Nobody shows them how to come up with clever usernames. Nobody illustrates how to create a unique, compelling online dating profile. But then why do you also WRITE emails like this as well?Nobody teaches effective email techniques based on actual research. My theory is because it’s easiest – it’s what comes naturally to you. Please, please, please consider going out with me.” For example, if someone says in his profile that he likes Costa Rica, you think about all the things you know about Costa Rica and search your brain for a humorous angle.The closest anybody gets is Ok Cupid – and all they do is give you test results – approximately 27% of people respond to first emails, overall – they don’t show you HOW to write great first emails. You have a great smile and I think we have a lot in common, too. So you don’t put much thought into it, and, not surprisingly, it doesn’t get very good results. There’s nothing funny, interesting, compelling, or different about such an email. Something other than, “I’ve heard it’s beautiful there! ” Personally, I don’t know ANYTHING about Costa Rica, but I do know that all of my left-wing, liberal, neo-hippie friends go on yoga retreats there. I don’t know anything about Costa Rica; I think it’s in the Caribbean or Central America or something like that.
So if you’ve been frustrated with your results in online dating (and one look at the comments below indicates that you ARE), there are a number of things you can do differently to get different results. Plus, it compliments the recipient too much – as if Chris is just praying that he/she is good enough for Pat102. Literally, the only reason I’ve even heard of Costa Rica is because of yoga. All I know is that all of my left-wing yoga friends go on week-long retreats there every year.One of the most powerful ones has to do with writing first emails. No wonder Pat doesn’t respond to this display of weakness. Which makes me wonder: what does it look like when you fly in at the airport?First emails are best when you offer your opinion of something specific in the person’s profile – but instead of doing what you normally do: “I agree. ”, you actually say something disagreeable, controversial, silly, or playful. As the plane is descending, do you see 25,000 people doing down dog at the same exact time? You didn’t talk about the person you were writing to. You didn’t brag about yourself or sell yourself or ask anyone on any dates.Are there 25,000 more people who are ziplining from tree to tree? You just made a silly observation about Costa Rica.
This is like blaming the gym because you didn’t lose weight. So, check out my profile and if you like what I have to say, I really hope to hear from you soon. But from both my personal experience and my coaching experience, I’ve learned that most people tend to fail in online dating and then blame the website.