Internet dating too fast
It is one of those experiences where you look back at yourself from your older and wiser perch and wonder why the heck you let someone influence you away from your conviction. His son was in school which was a bummer, because having him there would have felt more like a play date. As we approached, my younger son ran to play in the sand.
He walked up to my other son and me and lo and behold, he hugged me. When sat down on a bench I sat at the far end from him feeling very put off and feeling a bit betrayed by his pointed hug.
I'm not particularly excited to meet him, not the way I get when I'm on my way to meet a guy I've met in real life, about whom I've developed genuine feelings. I'm traveling through Central Park, on my way to a date, and yet my eyes wander, sizing up the guys on my bus whom I've concluded are gay. When our parents were courting, was dating this much like shopping? After Date One, he referred to me in his texts as "unemployed," which I think he thought was endearing, but I found it rude.
Absent are those does-he-like-me butterflies that remind you of gawking with goo-goo eyes at your crush from behind the door of a locker. Before phones were computers that fit in your palm, did we treat our potential mates like a shirt we bought at Banana Republic -- totally willing to return it for a refund if we found a shirt we liked more at the Gap? A few days later, he invited me to a late-night IMAX movie last-minute, and we made out during. Our third date was spent at his apartment eating grapes and making out some more.
He decided that it would be fun to meet up during the day at the park with my two younger sons who were not yet in school. I put him off because I had a policy of not introducing men to my kids unless there was a good reason. He's at work now, but he brings us here all the time. And my brother can catch pretty good, but I'm good, too. I just watched my son talk and when I looked up at the guy, he seemed to finally believe me when I told him that the kids were smarter than he thought. And be on the lookout for my book, "Sweeten the Deal: How to Spot and Avoid the Big Red Flags in Online Dating," to be released April 1, 2015!For me, a good reason would be the evolution of a long-term relationship. I don't know about his son, but this little comment grossly underestimated the perception of my kids. I continued to put him off and he continued to insist. And I knew I was not comfortable even at that moment. When you have kids, a man who is devoted to his own is a definite must. Good dates had been few and far between the previous couple of months, you know, with the Married Guy and The Criminal, so I was feeling optimistic for the next date. I was learning how to date after a ten-year marriage, and I was learning how to date with kids.We set up a coffee date during the lunch hour one day, and it was good. He asked me questions about my life, and he talked about everything from his job to his parents and was very obviously involved with his second grade son. Scheduling the next date was a bit difficult because we were on opposite kid weekends and I was teaching ballet in the evenings. He's always the fireman and I and the policeman."It went on and on. And this was a good lesson to learn early - stick to your guns and heed the Big Red Flags. Stay tuned for more of my crazy online dating stories on Huff Post Divorce.
Dating the second time around is not for the weak of heart. You have to figure out how to schedule around your kids.
There are so many factors in play that sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. And then you have to figure out if you like this person enough to go out again. If you have great planning skills, emotional stability and keen observation skills, you may be ready to embark. He had a job, had a kid and was on decent terms with his ex-wife (or so he said..is always a gray area until you witness these "good terms").