Fat girls dating

02-Apr-2015 19:13

I mentioned this to a guy recently, after he called me "curvy" in bed. "I don't mind—it's what I am." His response to this took me surprise. Even those who are not ashamed of their desires sometimes feel the need to be secretive about it.

In the heterosexual landscape, gender studies lecturer Hugo Schwyzer says men are "taught to find 'hot' what other men find 'hot.'" Basically, heterosexual attraction works on a societal level, and women are the building blocks for their male partner's self-esteem.

There are communities of men known as "fat admirers." In 2011, the profiled Dan Weiss, an outspoken fat admirer and creator of "Ask A Guy Who Likes Fat Chicks." In that profile, Weiss debunks the myths about why a man might prefer fat women: It's not because fat women are easier to get into bed, and it's not true that men who date fat women must have low self-confidence.

The fact that these are common beliefs in the first place says something about how fat women are viewed in a sexual context.

Plus, most of the men I sleep with tell me they like my body.

They'll say something like "I love curvy women," or "I like thicker girls." I always took these comments as them trying to do me a favor—like, But I don't see fat as a bad word, and I don't see the point in avoiding it. This guy, and probably a lot of the others, didn't want to come to terms with his attraction to a fat woman. It's not just women who are raised to believe that there is only one type of body considered "hot." Openly liking a body type that strays from the socially-constructed norm brings about shame.

Fat women are seen as a "downgrade," which forces many heterosexual men to deny that they're attracted to fat women at all.

This, of course, does not apply to all heterosexual men.

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"The truth is that human desire—and yes, male desire—varies widely, and if we lived in a less proscriptive world we would all see how diverse our appetites are.Unfortunately, we don't live in that kind of world.

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