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It’s not about navel gazing or being too caught up in yourself and it’s not purely for your benefit.
Yes you will feel better as a result of these but so will people who you engage with because you are not crossing their boundaries or looking for them to be and do things to fill you up.
They be and do stuff because they have it ‘give’ not because they hope that it will create a tipping point.
You will know exactly what I mean if like me, you’ve bumbled around in various relationships and situations inadvertently repeating a pattern and looking for these people to ‘fix’ things from your childhood. There are plenty of people out there who do things for others and help, and it’s not actually because they put everyone above them but because they remember that they have to take care of themselves and know their limits so that they can actually do what they set out to do.
They also do this stuff from an authentic place so that they don’t end up feeling owed due to some underlying expectation about reward and how they feel people ‘should’ behave.
-feel, worrying excessively about other people’s feelings and behaviour and making themselves responsible for those said feelings and behaviour, resulting in going about trying to be and do things to influence and control it.
They don’t honour the separateness that we all need in order to retain a sense of self and to have healthy boundaries. If you focus purely on considering others, not only will it result in you doing things for the wrong reasons but you’ll end up filing for emotional bankruptcy.
One of the fears that people who are considering improving their sense of self and boundaries struggle with, is the worry that in finally focusing on taking care of their own needs, expectations, desires, feelings and opinions (rather than expecting others to do so), that they’re going to be perceived as “selfish”.
What we essentially do by taking responsibility for our own feelings and behaviour is put us on equal footing with others, so ironically, this fear that some of us have is basically a fear of being equal.