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(I’m not even going to get into the female side of this except to tip my cap, because holy shit, what a racket! Which college has the most desperate men in America? ) We have a word for dudes like these, and that word is: DESPERATE. Aren’t USC and UCLA co-eds all hip aspiring actors? There are a whole lot of giant public schools on this list, which makes me think there must be a lot of rich graduates with no social skills who are hanging on to their school email addresses and just trolling for undergrads. One thing I’m not clear on is whether the dude also pays for the usual date expenses after handing over the cash, but I suppose some mysteries will have to remain unsolved.

I correctly interpreted the true meaning of the study, which was that Knoxville was actually the saddest city in America, since people who buy massive amounts of romance-themed art are sad and lonely. It happened again today, when an email showed up from a nice lady named Hannahmae Dela Cruz (terrific name) purporting to tell me which schools had the “hottest co-eds.” In Hannahmae’s words: In honor of March Madness, popular dating site Whats Your is releasing it’s own bracket to determine America’s Hottest Student Body.