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First off, apologies if you've been mislead by the title of this post. People literally stop in their tracks, their jaw falls open and their brain suddenly seems to malfunction. Some days I can make myself ignore it, but sometimes I'm tired, and I just want to be able to hold hands with my partner without feeling people's eyes on us from all sides. Other times I think about telling people that if they're so damn interested by us, we'll let them take a picture for R20.
Interestingly, even most of the numerous sources that have criticized this article have failed to acknowledge this gaping hole in a conversation (of sorts) about a country where 70% of the population is black. There are a hell of a lot of South Africans - old and young, male and female, black and white and everything in-between - who also continue to be unable to consider dating anyone who isn't more or less the same colour as they are.
It's a small adjustment to a very real article that some white Aussie guy called Jonno Something-or-other wrote for Vice a couple of years back entitled 'How to Date South African Girls', which has recently resurfaced on social media.
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If you're really looking for advice on how to date black South African girls, then this is not the place for you. Contrary to what you might expect, the more youthful observers are often the worst culprits. Sometimes I want to turn around and scream "For God's sake! But worse than the staring and gawking is the perceived judgment that so often comes with it.
The blatant staring and incredulity can be boring enough to have to deal with day in, day out.
The title of this post is, however, not just for click bait purposes.
On one occasion, a child of no more than 10 years old nudged a friend and said much too loud "Look! Waiters and waitresses, both white and non-white, are visibly shocked when my partner takes the bill at a restaurant, as they've obviously assumed she's with me for my money; sometimes black women look at my partner and tut - they seem to feel that having a white boyfriend is some kind of conscious betrayal on her part; we once had to leave a hotel where we were visiting my parents for the day, because my partner felt uncomfortable about the way some old Germans were looking at her as we sat by the pool - something about the situation led her to believe they thought she was my prostitute. People come up and tell us that what we are doing is "important" or "revolutionary" or "special." Though the intentions are undoubtedly in the right place, the inference is in some way the same: that because of our color difference, our relationship must be about something other than just two people who love each other.
I've even felt the judgments from many of my closest white friends.
They've joked about my "jungle fever," or implied that I obviously just have a "thing" for black girls, or that I always have to be different.