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20-Feb-2016 05:00

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In his book , Timothy Keller describes how the cultural view of relationships has morphed over the years from being community-focused to individual-focused.

“The Enlightenment privatized marriage,” he said, “taking it out of the public sphere, and redefined its purpose as individual gratification, not any ‘broader good.’” According to a recent article on dating trends in New York, some singles are pushing back against dating sites after being burned by the impersonal, inorganic side of meeting people online.

He notes with some irony, “It was quicker for my dad to find a wife than it is for me to decide where to eat dinner.” Ansari contrasts the community-focused way his parents met with online dating, which relies heavily on personal preference … It’s true, there’s a specialty site for nearly every demographic: Farmers Only.com, Equestrian Singles.com, Veggie Date.org, and even Mouse for Disney Parks fans.

At these sites, as well as major ones like e Harmony and Match, singles have thousands of potential dates at their fingertips, to the point that it’s difficult to know where to look and who to pick.

According to a Pew survey, only 38 percent of those who are “single and searching” are signed up for one; the majority of singles are looking for love another way. There wasn’t anything particularly noble or lofty about my decision.

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Dating portals put the responsibility on the individual to do the searching and selecting.This format is challenging because we’re on our own—outside the social context of meeting through friends and far from the conventions of community matchmaking or arranged marriages.



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